You know…driving is the worst time to be emotional and it always seems to be when
reflection over thinking gets to me. I was five minutes away from home, groceries in my trunk, when my eyes got glossy at a simple thought:
“In three months, Nate will be secondary family. His first family, and immediate family will be his wife…Mom, Dad, me, we’ll be secondary in priorities.”
For some reason, that thought really brought on the water works. I pulled into my parking space and wiped my eyes a few times before carrying on. I had not thought of the new family dynamics after he weds. Being my only sibling, I do lean on him quite heavily. For a go-to buddy when I don’t want to dine alone, to the person I rely on whenever I’ve gone crazy on craigslist and need his car and arm muscles to help me haul my newfound furnishings…he’s always been faithfully there at the drop of a hat. That’s not to say he’ll shoo me off and not agree to a quick bite with me or a Netflix binge, but he will have someone who holds priority, and that is his wife.
This weekend I mentioned my crazy little thoughts and he shook his head and reassured me saying, “We’ll always be family silly, I’ll always be there for ya.”
Which comforted my unnecessarily freaked out heart. ❤
I’d like to pretend losing the first 10 pounds is a big deal, but while 10 pounds may be half, or a quarter even, of someone’s goal, 10 pounds is a measly tenth of mine and if I’m completely honest, I’d say I have more than that to ideally lose.
10 pounds is about all I lose when I try, and so instead of feeling accomplished, I feel trepidation and worry that’s as far as I’ll get. That’s where I cap off…that’s where my focus strays as the pounds get harder to peel off.
So, I’m scared. But I’m confident even though I worry. Instead of seeing a long line of hurdles ahead of me, I’m going to see myself as a person jumping each hurdle ten pounds lighter at a time…I can do this, and each time, there’s less of me going forward.
I’m ready to prepare for leap number two. I’m ready to stop feeling stuck. The truth is I’m comfortable with my body but my health is showing me that I’ve reached a point I can’t handle. I’ve had more breathing problems as of late and know dropping as little as 25 pounds might make a big difference. Can I get past the next hurdle and halfway to third for better blood pressure and breathing? I’m going to try…
“Women are too soft.”
They say and wag their fingers.
Yet when they are hard, the same finger wags.
So, combine both, form a spectrum
And pay no attention to waving fingers.
Being dimensional is human.
Having character is human.
Not feminine, not masculine: human.
Paint yourself not to their desires,
But as the masterpiece you are.
Last week my painting instructor congratulated me on my birthday and added how I am “smart” and have accomplished quite a bit. She also mentioned that it was smart to hold off on being married and starting a family. She expressed how she loved that time of her life and would never feel bad for having her children early, but how she had been quick to marry her first husband.
I could tell by how she said it that she meant well, and so I politely said thank you. But I also made sure to tell her that I feel we hit milestones at different times, and shouldn’t feel like age is one of the biggest factors for life experiences and quality of life.
What I didn’t tell her is that I have never been the gal that boys made eyes at, or who pined for a relationship and plastered teen heartthrobs on my wall. I didn’t have a high school sweetheart, and I managed to get through college without a proposal. That opportunity for me to marry “young” never existed! And if it did, who’s to say I wouldn’t have changed the course of my life if I felt it was right?
I’m in a lovely relationship but while we have discussed future plans from time to time, marriage is not in our near future. My younger brother though, is months away from walking down the aisle. Should I feel jealous? Should I envy that he beat me to that milestone? Of course not!
We make our own milestones, and in our own time. That’s what makes them most memorable. If I compare my life to someone else’s I rob the joys of my personal plans and pursuits. Milestones are not mandatory objectives, they are moments we get to cherish as we go through life. 🙂
Well guys, I’ve been a bit quiet because sweet people in my life are celebrating my birthday with me! This saturday my boyfriend took me to see Hearst Castle and we stopped for a lovely dinner in Morro Bay.
I’m thanking the Lord for this new year of life and for all that’s to be experienced!
Here’s a list of things I’d like to do before 28:
– Learn conversational Spanish
– Read 3 self help books
– Explore one new area
– Enjoy an Omikaze sushi meal
– Take enough hikes to build my endurance and lungs to advance to a moderate hike (5-10 miles)
– Plan a successful reunion
– Read through Systematic Theology (and pay attention this time 😉 )
– Paint my first self portrait
– Learn something new for the career on lynda.com