Most of my life I’ve treated sleep as a bonus. If I get more of it, great. If I don’t, well, other things needed to be done. College was the worst. Between ministry, student groups, and college workload I got 2-4 hours on average. Some nights I got as little as an hour and my eyes would start to blur. Go figure I ended up with adrenal type fatigue and thyroid issues in my mid twenties partially in result to my go-go-go lifestyle. Sleep definitely affects my health and well being more than I gave it credit. Quarantine life has shown me that sleep is important, and the secret I didn’t know but should have been a DUH moment is that other people prioritize sleep and keep their schedules slim during the week if they work a typical 9-5. I need to adapt to that thought process stat.
I used to find worth in being busy (super cringe when I think about that too long). I felt like my best self when I was contributing time and effort to doing things in my community. I still take great joy in ministry and volunteering and helping where I can, but not being able to do much of that for an entire year, I see the flip side and the mental unloading of not saying yes to things. A lot of people don’t have commitments. Period. That alarmed me. Growing up and being in church and church activities I’ve always had part of a weekend blocked and sometimes multiple nights a week doing different events. It felt natural. As I’ve grown older and experienced more live I’ve seen the prudence of giving things more thought before commitment and not saying yes to everything. That part got easier to figure out. But sleep? That was still hurting. And it still is. So, I’m making changes to my outlook and habits.
If I’m honest, it wasn’t until last year that I started seeing sleep as recharging my battery and that I was relying on “fast charging” too much. My fitbit helps me track actual time asleep and I noticed that even when I set my alarm for 7 hours it didn’t mean I got 7 full hours of sleep. And some nights, I was more restful or scored better in deep, REM, and light sleep and others I did not. Not only was I not getting great sleep, factors contributed to it.
A common theme I found with business people and bloggers I followed is that many of them didn’t do as much during the work week. Again, probably a DUH to many, but it was like a light bulb turned on to me. You mean…I’m not supposed to get 7-8 hours worth of things done on a weekday? Really? I stopped to think about my habits and true enough, my Monday-Friday was TOO full of things I imposed on myself or trying to get too much done with commitments or family. If I got home at 5-5:30, or did outside errands until 7, I have to curate what I deem worthwhile to do so I can invest more time in sleep. This is so simple in theory but so difficult in practice. Things like cooking dinner every night just aren’t feasible when I have 4 hours until bedtime from doing outside errands. On nights like this, I need leftovers or a heat-and-eat or a protein shake dinner so I’m not wasting an hour cooking and a half hour cleaning. If I wanted to do something out of my block schedule, I need to spread it out instead of trying to conquer it in one evening. I only have 5.5 hours of time between work and sleep, so I need to choose things wisely and not always fill it up.
Laura’s Basic M-F
6:30am Wake up
7:45am Drive to work
8-5 Work
11pm Proposed bedtime
12:15am-1am When I usually get to bed
What I’ll be doing to help retrain myself:
– Setting a 10:30pm alarm to consciously finish up what I’m doing and get into wind down mode
– Monitor factors that provide me best sleep (avoiding blue lights, not dressing too warm/cool, etc)
– Prioritizing less during the work week and spreading things out better or making smaller daily habits
– Moving some chores to weekend work
– Continuing to keep a super light load until I am getting the rest I need and finding good balance
Category Archives: Life Musings
Brody
One of the few places of solace right now is an escape to the beach. I can actually clear my head there. And recently, given all the childcare my household has tackled for my brother and his wife, these moments of quiet and natural ocean sounds are healing. Since Covid is still problematic and my county is still high on the list, it’s one of the places open air enough to enjoy with a friend or my boyfriend at a personable distance. J and I took off Friday to have a beach day and enjoy Lunar New Year. We got to the beach mid afternoon. It was breezy and cool, being the middle of February and all. The waves almost had a milky feel in reflecting the overcast but sunny sky.
There were very few people at the strip of coastline we set up at, but a few people walked the edge of the water so we were much higher up out of the path. A little dog, maybe 8 pounds, comes running in a serpentine “do I, do I not?” style up to us and goes and licks J’s hand. He runs back to his mom and daughter family duo, then comes back to J. Of course, my reaction is, “Yay, dog! Cute dog!” His Mom and Sister come closer to us but keep a safe distance. The Mom compliments J. She says it’s the first time in 5+ years that Brody has felt comfortable and safe approaching a male. J is a large guy. He looks like he could be a football player. 5’10”, solidly built, and probably even more gigantic to this little dog who has feared men most of his life yet out of the blue decides to do something brave and trust this one. He comes back again, gives him another love lick, and J gives him his hand to sniff and slowly and cautiously moves to pet him and Brody complies. My heart swells at the joy of this moment. I think, in my head, “That’s right Brody, you trust him and so do I. He’s a good man, and now man’s best friend approved.”
J is actually a self-confessed cat person, but he and I are both allergic (me, nearly deathly). He has always joked about tiny and small dogs being borderline annoying and yappy. It was a relief to see how he warmed up to this little fella. After Brody and his family left, he confided to me that if he were to be a dog owner in the future he’d want a cute little lap dog like that over a big dog. I was once again taken back at this confession. “The kind you make fun of for being yappy or foo-foo?!” I exclaimed. “Yeah,” he said. I shot back a sly smile and told him I would have never guessed. I told him one day if we got a dog as a married couple, a tiny cute lap dog, we might just have to honor him with the name Brody. He smiled and told me he’d like that.
Bye, 2017. Hello 2018.
2017 was an uncertain beast with a few highs and lots of lows. Bye. Glad you’re gone.
The year gave us trouble from the very start until the very end. My aunt, the matriarch of my mom’s side, fell ill and the cold the lingered much longer than anticipated. Given that she is mid seventies, lives alone, and is hours away, my mom and I decided to visit a couple days to brighten her spirits and care for her any way we could. We left Friday and had a great time with her. She was definitely getting better, but hadn’t ever dealt with so much congestion. On Sunday, New Years Eve, we packed up and drove back to town.
On the way home, we got a call that my brother was feeling some pain near his belly button. We thought it might be something gallbladder related. He said he’d go to urgent care and get it sorted. Urgent care told him go to the ER, so they ended up there. He asked if my mom and I could come down and bring food for my SIL and nephew since the wait was long. I just drove 5.5 hours. We got into town around 4:45, grabbed gas and food, and quickly ate and made food to bring to them.
No joke, the ER was packed. There was maybe *A* spare chair and we were warned to wear masks as people were quite ill inside. We gave my SIL food, grabbed my nephew, and spent most of the night in the hospital waiting area entertaining a 15 month old. After an hour, we became “those people.” Kai was not about that sitting still life and we figured it was better he was ambulatory rather than vocally shrieking so we chased him around, let him climb the chairs, and carried him around. Around 10:50, my brother and SIL finally appeared. He didn’t have gallbladder issues: he had a hernia from the appendix removal he had years ago! Grrrrreeeat. On the bright side, his gallbladder was good and no emergency surgery was needed. On the bad side, they told him no heavy lifting including his son, and that surgery still might be on the table. Since he still has a concussion, that comes with risks. So, we wait and pray in the meantime.
My mom and I got home in time to watch the ball drop and I sipped a smidgen of wine and excitedly welcomed 2018. Phew. I can only hope for brighter days for me and my family.
My resolution this year is three small but powerful phrases borrowed from Athena International:
“Live Authentically.
Learn Constantly.
Advocate Fiercely.”
Live Authentically: Being free to be me. Owning messes, admitting flaws, embracing my good qualities and areas of growth. Not allowing other’s opinions to pollute my outlook of self and self worth. Understanding that my voice resonates and has the power to do good or harm and it is worth speaking up when there is injustice or I am not represented correctly.
Learn Constantly: Wanting to know more and desiring new experiences so that I can improve my outlook, myself, and how I see the world around me. Enlightening my thoughts so that I can be more knowledgeable, wise, well rounded, and ask more questions and generate more curiosity. Being open, not ignorant or cautious, while understanding my intrinsic values and morals.
Advocate Fiercely: Continue contributing my efforts towards awareness and funds raising for foster youth in my area. Be respectful but vocal of what is important to me and be a voice for the helpless. Be more knowledgeable in how politics impact daily life not just for me, but for my fellow people. Dispel negativity, help shed light where I can, and lift others up so they can also be fierce and empowered.
Trips, Fires, Holiday Spirit
Where do I begin this whirlwind of post-Thanksgiving happenings until now? Now being days before Christmas, house a mess, fall decor still around, and not a tree in sight?
My parents decided to take a trip to Asia to visit my mom’s relatives and visit Thailand as well. Days, maybe a literal day before their actual flight, there was so much political unrest in my mom’s birth country that they had to call all the relatives and airlines and let them know they could not go for their safety. This meant cancelling tickets, finding new tickets just to Thailand, cutting losses, and replanning in a couple day’s time.
So my parents exit the country, and my brother and his family enter the home for the extended weekend. Him. His wife. His toddler son. Their two dogs. We are gung-ho to clear out the darn garage for my parents as a blessing and “gift” for their return. They stay Friday through Sunday to help make that happen. On Sunday, to celebrate a clean-er garage and friendship, we had a small gathering with some close friends, soup, s’mores, and a nice fire pit. My lungs were already abused from the dust in the garage but I figured one day of a little campfire smoke wouldn’t hurt. (That became laughable. There is still smoke in the air today and my asthma flare ups remind me of it.)
Sunday night went long and so my brother and his family crashed there another night. At dinner out Monday evening, we found out a fire had broken out near my brother’s home. By the time we got back from dining, it was dangerously close to the point of possible evacuation. With their two dogs and a small suitcase already here, they braved the fire around them to collect documents, my SIL’s midwifery supplies, and a few more necessities.
Tomorrow marks a month that my brother and family has lived here. The fire has spanned over three weeks and is still only at 60% containment. It was one of many fires, and at one point, my town was sort of surrounded and also in danger of evacuation due to high winds. There were nights we hardly slept not knowing if we’d have to escape in a minute’s notice and wondering which relatives could house the four of us and the three dogs between us. Teething toddler, tired parents, worried aunt, and the homeowners out of the country all the way in Asia.
I remember packing some things for my parents and putting a carry-on suitcase together for me of belongings and thinking through the what-ifs. So much of the house’s items became so worthless in those moments. I had albums, medications, dog food, and necessities. That was enough.
Now that my parents are back, there are six of us and three dogs. My nephew is constantly getting “No!”-d at as he runs destructively through a not-baby-proofed home. I just acquired part of a baby gate to section off the oven and possibly a tree. He has no sense of schedule anymore and no safe room to play in. Dishes are piled as twice as many of us are there and in this month’s time my parent’s brought home a cold and my SIL brought home a stomach bug. It has not been easy. On any of us.
Through it all, it’s been hard to sit down and meditate on the true meaning of the season, but we are living it out just a little. A husband, wife, and child displaced from their town seeking shelter. That’s just a tidbit of the Christmas story but in it all I’ve seen love, hope, and strength.
I’m grateful neither one of our homes burned down. I’m grateful we got to be there for one another. I’ll be grateful when we both go back to our “normal.”
My priority tonight is get that Christmas tree up. I think we could all use a little cheer. Who knows how much longer they’ll be living with us as they work to clear up the smoke damage, but I’m thankful for family all the same.
Friendcation, Imaging, and the Little Green Monster
I haven’t updated in a while because life has definitely picked up. October was very full with Inktober (ink art each day following an official prompt) and one of my best friends in the whole world making her annual trip out here. I think I’ve finally recovered from the stress of planning my nephew’s birthday part too – a whole month and a half later!
This friendcation, H and I explored some local museums, saw Regina Spektor in concert, and got to spend time with some mutual friends. We even visited the humdrum smelly pits (La Brea Tar Pits) and went to the museum with the good dino stuff (LA Natural History Museum). 😉
The foster organization I support has started up meetings for the 2018 fundraising event and this year I’m stepping up from publicity assistant to publicity chair. *gulp*
The Saturday before Halloween, I was woken up from a cat nap by my brother’s phone call. “Laura, go check our cousin page! S is engaged!” Bewildered and half asleep, I popped on our private cousin hub and saw pictures of my beautiful cousin beaming with an engagement ring on her finger and in the arms of her fiance on the lake. Another picture was a cleverly carved pumpkin that said “Marry Me?” And the third, their dog baby in a very cute fall coat. I was overjoyed. But also, totally sunk into an explainable pit of jealousy. I’m pretty ashamed to admit that and didn’t think it would be so hard on me but I spent the rest of the weekend in pity and jealousy land not able to shake off the fact in the span of a week I had found out two dear people were engaged. And you know, pretty much 3/4 of my friends are now married and on to having kids. I think as thirty is just around the corner is affects me more. And with my brother married and now a cousin engaged, I just hope Thanksgiving isn’t awkward and people can just put all their attention on celebrating my cousin and not asking me when, why, and why not. Now that I’ve had some time and still have time until turkey day, I think I have finally shook off that little green pest and can love on and congratulate my cousin with a full and happy heart. I love her so much and think she and her fiance are perfect together.
After going nowhere with my primary and ruling out some basics, I finally took the time to meet with a specialist about my foot and swelling issues. I had x-rays done, have an MRI scheduled, and a note to visit a vascular surgeon if the MRI doesn’t show what’s wrong.
Basically, this foot and ankle specialist sat with me and told me she believes what I have is systemic. There’s a small percentage it’s pathological, meaning disease, etc. There’s a large percentage this is systemic and from a vascular issue – which is usually tied to something being off or failing with the heart, kidney, lung, or other organ. My primary wrote down that she suspected it was just from obesity, but the fact there could be more involved is pretty frightening. Since nothing is known, there is some fear in the unknown. But I know that at least if I’m proactive I can work to try to find answers. If it’s fixable, I’ll work to fix it. If it’s not fixable, I’ll work to stop damage and make the most of my condition. I’m hoping it’s nothing too serious, but I also know this is a big wakeup call. I need to make my health and wellness a bigger priority and not focus so much on helping others and taxing myself with unnecessary stress or neglectful habits.
In this season of gratitude, I am working to count my blessings and see God’s goodness even in the hard things.
Watching “First They Killed My Father” with Survivors of the Cambodian Genocide
First They Killed My Father by Loung Ung holds a large piece of my heart. As a teen, in an attempt to find my mom’s lost sister, I scoured the internet searching for hope. Hope did not come in the form of finding my aunt (there is no closure with the unknown – did she survive or did she pass?) but it did come by finding an author with my mom’s maiden name and her memoir. I read the book and realized my mom and her family were not alone. This book opened my mind to genocide worldwide and how important it is to preserve their stories and not let them fade over time. I never saw my relatives the same afterward. Their loving smiling faces once endured something so horrific that nearly a quarter of their population was wiped out. From my mom’s family alone, the Khmer Rouge stole the life of my grandfather and one uncle, and the fate of one aunt is unknown.
Because of my nephew’s first birthday party, we had relatives staying with us this weekend. On Saturday, my mom and dad, my mom’s eldest sister, my mom’s only surviving brother and his wife (who also went through this) and my two cousins and I gathered around the tv in the living room and watched the film adaptation together. There was something deeply bonding by having them watch with me and gravitas of four survivors in my living room was heavy on my heart. Their experiences added to everything I saw and felt from the screen. It brought up questions I hadn’t asked before [“Did they also specifically say it was the Americans attacking when they knocked on your door?”] and memories I had heard before [“They gave us a watery rice soup that was all liquid. One time I counted out the grains of rice and it amounted to 17 pieces.”]
Tears rolled down our cheeks as we silently took in the difficult scenes. About halfway through, my uncle got up to use the restroom and never returned back to the couch. One of my cousins checked on him and found out he was sleeping in the guest room. Without trying to assume too much, I can only guess that the main character in the film hit him harder than his sisters because of age. As the youngest of the family, he was about the same age as Loung when the country fell, and seeing a child that young brought back a flood of memories and innocence lost. My mom and eldest aunt were both college graduates but he was only a child.
“Your uncle was drafted by them, just like Loung. Young brilliant minds were wanted to be able to brainwash.”
The next day at my nephew’s party, nearly half the guests over 40 were survivors of the Cambodian Genocide too, and between the celebrating and fun, I paused and took that to heart. I know so many strong incredible people who have rebuilt their lives here in the United States, each one with a deeply personal and moving story of their own.
Rejection as an Adult
I’ve been conditioned to being rejected since I was a child. That doesn’t surprise me, but it does surprise me how much it still hurts as an adult.
When I was in third grade, we had a morning log we had to write in. It was either a prompt from the teacher or what we felt like writing on. One morning, feeling particularly lonesome and jaded, I confessed that I had no friends to play with at school. At first recess, my name was called along with a few classmates to stay to talk to her. She explained that I didn’t have anyone to play with during recess and it would be great if they could include me. That lunch and second recess I was over the moon to have my own little posse to play tag with and chit chat with to while we nibbled on our sandwiches at lunch. The next day they were there for recess only. By the end of that week, they weren’t anywhere to find. That’s when 8 or 9 year old me realized forced relationships didn’t work and friendship for pity didn’t last either.
As an introvert and person dealing with social anxiety, it takes a lot of mental output and energy to invest in someone new and try to make that connection. When I realize they are faking it or trying to rush out of a conversation, or are so bored with me that they jet after grabbing dinner with me (not even waiting for me to put my meal in a to-go box for pete’s sake!), I know they’ve rejected me or don’t find me interesting.
It’s okay. It’s going to happen. I understand this. Just like because a guy asks you out you don’t have to accept, if you don’t sense any platonic chemistry in building a relationship, that’s acceptable too. But platonic rejection hurts.
When it’s hard already to make friends and keep relationships, rejection just makes me feel like I’m less human – like I’m less capable of socializing and of less worth. Then, the next time I try really hard, there’s a mental grey cloud looming over me and in fight or flight, I sometimes pick to avoid any hurt and hide/decline.
I don’t understand the politics of socializing – at work, at church, with friends of friends, and so it probably makes it worse. When my coworker says he had a blast and I say that was a fun experience, we are both relating excitement in our own ways, but of course, the environment favors the ecstatic feelings of my coworker and questions if my very level-toned answer even has integrity behind it.
As a kid, I was more desperate and a people pleaser, but now, I don’t feel like kissing up. I can exude what they expect of me but that would be lying to who I am. I feel like “fake it til you make it” is a very toxic idiom when it comes to building relationships. So I just kind of sit in social limbo. “Oh yeah, Laura right?”
On the other hand? Through the searing reminders of my social awkwardness and reserved nature, through the rejection and want to fit in better? I know that I have some wonderful friends who have been very forgiving and gracious of my not-always-chipper or exciting self, and I appreciate and love them so much for never rejecting this Eeyore.
“Let’s Rename It.”
I clocked out of work on Monday, sat in my car, and checked my phone for voicemails and text messages. My art teacher has cancelled most of our planned meetings since her cancer diagnosis but today, I was notification free. My gut feeling wasn’t positive, but I drove over to her place anyway.
I was greeted at the door by my winded and pale friend. She grasped the door firmly and it took all her energy to just speak. “It changes from one moment to the next. I was doing better earlier,” she explained. From there I was beckoned into the kitchen where she placed a cracker-sized piece of sourdough topped with cheese, salami, and tomato in my hand. She leaned over the kitchen counter and tried to forcefully eat hers. “I’m trying. I’m really trying [to care for myself].” I watched her take a half-hearted bite while tears trickled down the corner of her eyes. She was exhausted. She felt defeated.
I forcefully swallowed the salami cheese lump in my throat and hugged her gingerly. I had tears too. “I’m sorry you are going through this,” I whispered. I walked back to my spot and finished my snack for her sake.
“I’m trying to pray fairly,” I told her. “I pray with faith for God to fully heal you if that’s His will, but I also pray that if it’s your time He gives you strength and lessens the pain.”
She nods and then apologizes for crying and I tell her it is perfectly fine to cry.
Her photoshop lessons are on pause indefinitely. Since she is now technically in hospice, we work on end-of-life planning. She helps me with painting and I help her gather pictures for her memorial montage. It’s just as heavy and grim as it sounds in theory, paired with her sharing sweet memories from certain snapshots.
We began with a new desktop folder. “What would you like to name it?” I dare not name it myself.
“Last.” She says firmly.
I type in her request with a heavy heart. We open up her pictures folder and go through each folder, one by one. I wouldn’t say this was a miracle, because I was CTRL+Z’ing some of the accidental shortcuts I made, but we had the folder name disappear twice when it shouldn’t have. Either her archaic laptop was freaking out, or I was subconsciously undo-ing more than once. The important part is that I wasn’t trying and truly didn’t understand why the folder name kept changing if I had so many images in there already and it wasn’t undo-ing THAT.
“Look. It disappeared again!” I searched her desktop for the Last folder and found it hiding out as “new folder 4”. “Perhaps last is not the right name for it. We need something more hopeful.”
She tightens her jaw. “Let’s rename it.” She takes a moment as her voice quivers: “Hope.” She apologizes again for crying. “Maybe it’s not my time yet.” We both remain quiet in the intensity of the moment. She pulls out a tissue and wipes her eyes. “You know, this is the first time I’m crying for me.”
Even though the buggy little four-letter folder may have been a glitch or oversight on my part, it truly was a miracle for her. It strengthened her and gave her hope for that day. And I know in that way, it was from God. It was a sign she isn’t defeated yet.
His First Word is “Banana”
At least, that’s what his mom and dad claim. I have yet to hear this mythical first word despite my constant coaxing. He is now fluent in the ‘Mama’ and ‘Dada’ department, and babbles ‘banana’ on Tuesdays when Mama works at the birth center and Dada takes him to a nearby Trader Joes for a weekly banana treat. Some of his outbursts are also uncanny for ‘Yeah!’
Kai is now a little over 9 months, and I look at this little dude and think of how much he’s grown. He is both spirited and inquisitive and flips sides at the drop of a pin. In the grocery store, he’ll be all smiles and wave like crazy to everyone around him and then pause all emotion to examine the face of a particular person. He often folds his hand into a loose fist, with his pointer finger stuck out and posed on the corner of his mouth making that “hmm” pose. It’s the cutest thing.
Every month Kai grows and reaches new milestones is also a bittersweet moment of reflection for my brother, who still suffers from a concussion due to an auto accident that happened exactly one month before my nephew was born. I think of how hard it must be to mark his son’s new advancements and his limitations on the same day each month. It gets hard to answer those around me who are praying for my brother with the exact news months later: “There are slight improvements but he’s about the same.”
Kai adores his daddy. They spend almost every waking minute of their day together. It’s definitely harder for my brother to try to get all his mental exercises done and have time to rest with a baby on his hands, but at the same time, despite the constant migraine, he’s also blessed with being at home and bonding with his son during Kai’s first year of life. I think of the what-if: if he didn’t have the accident he would be working full time or be in grad school and working part time. My SIL has worked really hard to keep them afloat with her midwifery while being a good mom and wife. She’s really shown me how resilient she is. I’m hoping and praying that in the next few months, Kai and Daddy can both work on big milestones together – Kai in development and N in healing. Secretly, I’m hoping for a birthday miracle in September.
What I Wish I Could Say to Those Who Wonder Why I’m Living at Home…
You’re in your late twenties and you live at home with your parents. What is the first thing people assume?
They assume you’re in debt, are a bum, or are mooching.
Others will do more than assume. They’ll reply, “Oh, that’s good. You can save money and pay off debt.”
Let me be clear:
– I graduated without student loans. The only debt I carry is a nominal credit card charge or two I pay off at the end of the month.
– I work a decent full time job that pays the bills. I DON’T live with my parents for free. I do pay less rent than renting a room elsewhere, but not by much.
– I have lived on my own for a few years and am capable of doing so again at the drop of a hat. Money would be a little tighter, but I would be just fine.
Here’s why I really live at home:
– I was able to increase the value of their home by moving back. I paid for them to hire a contractor to build a functional closet in the den and therefore the home has 4 official bedrooms instead of three bedrooms and a den. It’s not going to drastically increase the value, but if they choose to sell it down the road, that closet is something I can leave behind as a thank you for letting me stay here a couple more years.
– Due to certain circumstances, my parents could use my rent as another rental is currently not making them money. My rent money provides some passive income. They used to make passive income on a rental home but that is not an option right now and my rent isn’t as much as they made on renting out a home, but it’s a good fraction of it (~25% vs nothing).
– I am silently there to help them transition into retirement. My aunt who moved away for work still owns a part of the home will be moving back soon and the house is filled with too much stuff from when we were living there as a family of four. It’s time to reduce their “stuff” and make room for my aunt’s things again. We are slowly clearing the garage, redecorating, and making things more functional for senior life.
– I was in a transitional part of my life where I wasn’t sure if I was going to have a career at my current workplace or have to search for other job options. I didn’t have the stability to sign a contract for a year somewhere or risk going into debt if something fell through at a new job and it took more interviews and searching.
– My old roommate moved states away and I do not have anyone that I trust and is reliable with a similar income to rent a house/apartment with. Good credit scores, annual income, and knowing they won’t back out is important when renting with someone else. I will only rent with another female and would not feel comfortable renting a room from a house with men.
– Renting a room from someone is complicated. More complicated than just renting from your own family and having complete house privileges. This is a big one. And I have a great relationship with my parents. They did want me to come home. In Asian culture, unmarried children are encouraged to be home rather than spend too much on renting.
– It does save me money. I have to be honest and say I do save $100-200/month renting from my parents vs renting a room elsewhere. And that does add up. It would be foolish of me to rent a studio apartment with how high rent is in my area. I’d be looking at $1200-1700 on a studio/single bedroom which is not a smart move financially.
– I don’t do well being alone. I am a pretty private person and an introvert but without reliable human interaction I am not in a good place with mental health. Being alone causes my anxiety to worsen and encourages feelings of depression. I need to be surrounded by people I like and love.
It’s frustrating because people don’t “get it” and I am not going to waste my breath explaining all of this to them. People think millennial and living at home and don’t even care to hear my side of the story.
To keep it short and sweet, I usually reply with a “Well, it works for all of us.”
Does anyone else identify with anything I’ve written above? Please share below.
Quarter-Lifer Musings 