Life moves so quickly with each passing year. It feels crazy to think that 30 quickly approaches. I can’t say I’ve done anything dramatic to prepare, but I feel good about what I’ve prepped for this new decade of life.
1. Letting go of social pressures about fertility and motherhood
I’m starting with a big one. Entering my 30’s means coming to terms that I only have about a decade left to conceive. Did you know a pregnancy at age 35+ is a “geriatric pregnancy”? Ha! So I have 5 years before my womb is a geezer. (Thankfully, this term is being replaced with “advanced maternal age”) I’m letting go by fully acknowledging my desire for motherhood. That sounds counterproductive, but to me, it’s an empowering move to note that I WANT to nurture little ones. Be it from my womb, another woman’s womb through fostering/adoption, or just being an even more invested auntie/mentor and encouraging little ones to feel loved and do their best in this world. Even if I don’t have the chance to be called “Mom” I can nurture. And I will.
2. Start investing in skin care and quality goods
In my twenties I explored a lot of fashion and makeup. My emphasis was on how I wanted to present myself to the world around me. It was about finding what made me feel my best and finding my own style. I feel like I’ve found a great balance between comfort and style that reflects me, and it’s time to settle into a better skin care routine for self care AND the changes my body will make in this decade. A couple gray hairs have magically sprouted, and my undereyes aren’t looking as peppy as they did in my college years. It’s time to reinvest in quality products. It also goes with the Konmari method I’ve tried to implement and with minimizing “stuff” to maximize quality of life.
3. Catch more Zzzz’s
I was not kind to myself in my mid twenties. Between dating and trying to tackle too much, I averaged about 4-5 hours of rest a night. I’ve worked my way up to 6.5, but ideally, I’d like to reach 7-7.5 and at least try for 8 hours twice a week.
4. Tackle weight and eating. Once again.
I’m tired of having to wonder and hear that some health issues may be weight related. I accept that they play a part in my current health issues, so I want to either gain health from losing or identify that it wasn’t a factor if that’s so. I know how to eat right and understand that I should be exercising. Now it’s up to me to put it to practice and really strive for results.
5. Dream/seek/pursue the friendships and connections I want
Remember this post I wrote on friendships not usually lasting seven year’s time? I’m really feeling this currently. I’ve got a few solid friendships that have been steady and true and have resisted the test of time. However, I’ve noticed a few friends I clung to fiercely in my 20’s were loyalties that really provided me no merit or were quite superficial even though we enjoyed each other’s company. I also felt quite lonely the past 5 years with
most all of my closest friends moving away. I understand now that I need more than a socializing partner in crime. I need people who are driven. I need people who are supportive. I need people who encourage and can mentor me in my faith. And I need to also be that person to others. More substance. More investment. More meaningful relationships.
6. Get rid of “just” and limit my “sorry” in the business communication
As a feminist, I believe in equal standing with my male counterparts. It is my duty to present myself as so. In the past I’ve used phrases like “I just wanted to” that lighten my voice and representation of self among my male peers. It’s important to me to be more deliberate in speech and have better command of my presence in a meeting/email and speak with confidence in my skills. Because I am more deliberate, I want to also save my apologies for instances that truly require them – not as a preface or for good measure. I’m still working on rephrasing but I mindfully ask myself if something really warrants an apology or if I can actually single out a miscommunication/issue – which is the better way of handling it anyway.
Before: “Sorry for the confusion.” Now: “It seems like there was a misunderstanding. Let’s discuss X and resolve it.”
7. Truly seek out to be less of a church attender and more of a part of a church family
Leaving the home church of my youth was hard and making new connections has been harder. I really need to work on building relationships with people. I miss the smaller church feel of knowing everyone but I love the opportunities and teaching here.
8. Find balance in family time and pursuing my goals and self identity.
I don’t think this is hard for everyone but this is really hard for me. My immediate family is close knit and we are there for each other. Period. But, they often ask a lot of me, or I take on too much and forget my needs and to have time for myself and my goals. I’ve got to remember it’s not all on me and that it’s okay to say no when I need to.
9. Asking “What’s Next?” in my career, relationship, etc.
This is also a hard one for me. Yes, I should embrace what I have now, but yes, I should constantly strive towards better and best. I’m not settling, I’m seeking out, setting up, and carrying out plans for my future.
10. Initiate hard conversations. Be direct. Take calculated risks.
I’m an internalizer. I’ve always been one. When someone hurts me or withholds information, I take it as a personal offense but hardly address it unless I need to. But, a sign of maturity is dissolving assumptions and miscommunications, and I need to practice that. Recently, I noticed that a very close friend and I hadn’t been speaking. She lives many states away and was also a bit MIA on the social media scene, didn’t send me a Christmas card like she had every year before, etc. So I internalized and wondered if she was “ghosting me” (ugh, I know, I hate that term too) and wanted to slowly get rid of me by losing all interaction. Our brains take us to awful places when we allow them to assume. I confronted her respectfully and she admitted there was a lot going on and it had nothing to do with our friendship but all to do with life situations, and that was so refreshing and amazing because now I’m able to get an instant answer and offer her my support in her efforts.
I also know that when I’m intimidated by something, I tend to want to avoid it. Again, that’s not how adulting works. So, I have to be ready to ask the questions I need to and take the risks I need to, with as much research as I can beforehand.
Here we go! Less than a month! Thirty, I’m ready!