Be Careful What You Ask For

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Sometimes you whisper things to God, half afraid, but trusting. And of course, God hears.

So of course, when I whispered, “Lord, am I trusting you fully to take care of me?”

He let me know. 

My church does first fruits which is a sacrificial giving above and beyond regular tithe near Thanksgiving. No one is pressured into it; it’s personal and from the heart. The week before, I got my dates mixed up and wrote out my big check. It felt good. I wasn’t sweating it. Then I realized it was for next week and tucked it away and wrote a check for that week’s offering.

Flash forward to the *next day*. I woke up that Monday, stuck my keys in my car, and noticed shiny glass pieces all over my dash, all throughout my car, and followed it to the smashed back window. That morning, I was offered a ride to work. That night, my boyfriend brought over his Dad’s shop vac and spent a solid hour and a half after work helping me get all the glass bits out. Wednesday, I spent half the day waiting for the repair truck to fit a new rear window and swiped a few hundred dollars away with a card and signature for the fix.

I was so upset. Why did the vandals target my car?  Three cars in the neighborhood got smashed and mine happened to be one of them. And my car insurance wasn’t going to cover a dime, even with the police report because it was under my $500 deductible…

That Sunday was first fruits. I sat with the check in my purse, knowing rent was due the following week and I was about to give a big check after spending a good chunk of money on that window repair. And I was behind on my credit card payment. And Christmas was coming up.

So many sinking feelings. So many things that needed money. But that check was God’s.

The offering basket was a couple passes away. I cleared my mind maybe not fully trusting, but trying to, and acknowledged as I placed it in,

This was already yours, God. Before the circumstances. I know you’ll take care of me.

Money. The future. Security. Those are things I’m not fully trusting of. But with that check in the basket, I began to let go, so I could let God.

Volunteering – Using Talents for Good

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It’s been a while. There’s a lot of neat things happening and of course, just living life as well. And, as incriminating as this sounds, I keep forgetting my password and getting locked out. Yep! I’m human.

Long story short, I’ve taken on some no pay volunteer positions and have kept quite busy after my 9 to 5 with helping use my career talents towards causes. The first one is a maternity home for expecting women that have no where to go and need help establishing a new life and stability for them and their child. I’ve designed some jewelry for them to sell to raise funds and offset costs for their tenants. This place is special because they do not charge for their program. They instead, ask that the moms to be SAVE what they make to put towards their future. It’s been neat seeing which jewelry ideas sell better and knowing that I’m impacting lives this way.

The second cause is a festival and run that benefits the county’s foster kids. Fostering and adoption are big on my heart and as I’ve soul-searched for ways I can get involved in that community and help, this opportunity came up. I walked into a planning meeting not knowing what exactly I could do. I’m not a big people person and I’m not a runner. Where could I be useful? I signed my name on the list and under interest wrote that I had design knowledge, specializing in print media.

As they went around the table and introduced themselves I heard how all the special chairs were calling and contacting people and companies and felt so intimidated. But as they read through their list of opening positions and needs, Graphic Design came up. So I spoke up. And I offered that I specialized primarily in print media and may not be the right fit for interactive/web stuff and the coordinator stopped me in my tracks.

“That’s exactly what we need! Print media!”

I walked up after the meeting to get some ideas started and the coordinator said to me, “We’ve been praying for you to arrive for months. You have no idea.”

The event is not religious but the founders are believers and those words comforted and encouraged me beyond belief. Sometimes we wonder how we can be useful with what talents we have and forget that God works out those details.

I’m so excited for our next meeting this Saturday. Who knew in one meeting I’d become Print Media Chair?

Remember Remember To Adult This November

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I titled this post before the date clicked. Which made me smile. Kudos if you get it.

So, two steps forward, one step back. That’s usually how life goes right?

I’m super passionate right now. I’m really digging deeper spiritually and creatively, but that has meant less attention paid to organization and weight loss/health.

I really lack a good sense of habit. My days vary A LOT and I’m finding myself tired and worn out from it. It’s something I have a horrible time with. And with few habits comes the sobering truth of too little discipline. When I step back and see all this I scratch my head and truly wonder if I’m failing adulthood. When do I tighten the reigns on bad habits and in maturity take steps to fix them once and for all, or is this two steps forward one step back part of it all? Am I too “in my head”? Either way, I need to up my game.

Since November is the month I reflect on gratitude, I also wish to enforce each point with personal discipline. Dust has settled since moving and it’s time to put more effort into things.

Gratitude #1: My finances are more solid since I moved.
Discipline Follow-up: Stay diligent with tracking expenses so I stay ahead of the game. Focus on financial and spending goals instead of falling into sporadic splurge traps. Also pray for how God wants to use the extra to bless others.

Gratitude #2: I have more time with family and relatives.
Discipline Follow-up: Make them more meaningful by being purposeful. Learn how to politely retire into my room when I need to get things done.

Gratitude #3: I have less housework in general with my smaller space.
Discipline Follow-up: Invest that time into the gym or diet planning and be extra mindful to not let things sit in shared spaces.

Gratitude #4: God is showing me big things this year in His word.
Discipline Follow-up: Make bible study homework and Bible reading the first big habit I plan for daily.

Gratitude #5: I’m learning through KonMari and introspection what my living space needs to be like.
Discipline Follow-up: Stay on top of it and don’t let clutter rule or distract. Keep making goals and defining my style.

Gratitude #6: My creativity is flourishing.
Discipline Follow-up: Keep on top of my schedule to have the time to  do creative things without a bogged down mind.

Rethinking Words of Comfort in Times of Distress

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This entry by Tim Lawrence really got me thinking and I wanted to share it with you:

Everything Doesn’t Happen For A Reason

We’re often told that everything happens for a reason and we shake our heads in halfhearted agreement and take it as a battle wound that betters us. But does that really bring healing? Tim talks about how not all devastation nurtures or brings growth. Sometimes they’re just things we carry.

I truly recommend reading the article but in a nutshell Tim offers words that bring more comfort:

“Instead, the most powerful thing you can do is acknowledge. Literally say the words: 

I acknowledge your pain. I am here with you.

Note that I said with you, not for you. For implies that you’re going to do something. That is not for you to enact. But to stand with your loved one, to suffer with them, to listen to them, to do everything butsomething is incredibly powerful.

There is no greater act than acknowledgment. And acknowledgment requires no training, no special skills, no expertise. It only requires the willingness to be present with a wounded soul, and to stay present, as long as is necessary.

Be there. Only be there. Do not leave when you feel uncomfortable or when you feel like you’re not doing anything. In fact, it is when you feel uncomfortable and like you’re not doing anything that you must stay.

Because it is in those places—in the shadows of horror we rarely allow ourselves to enter—where the beginnings of healing are found. This healing is found when we have others who are willing to enter that space alongside us. Every grieving person on earth needs these people.

Thus I beg you, I plead with you, to be one of these people.

You are more needed than you will ever know. “

What are your thoughts?

Nearly Halloween

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Halloween is five days away and it’s still mid to high 80’s temperature wise. It does not feel very fall-like outside of the grocery store. There are pumpkins and pumpkin-flavored everything to choose from but the weather makes it hard to believe Autumn is here. On a positive note, the projected weather for the first week of November is all in the 70’s (granted it’s higher 70’s.)

What do you all do for Halloween? I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about it as an adult. My parents didn’t want my brother and I to do anything that contributed to the holiday growing up but I find that a lot of the fun is not rooted in wickedness as much as that’s how some people try to push it. Spine tingling origin stories and rumors of ritualistic sacrifice and the like…when most of what happens is kids celebrating an event to dress up and eat lots of candy… Needless to say, I think there was a little resentment based on childhood and I’m moving on and trying to make the most out of it now. I don’t feel the need to go all out or attend any parties, but I’m not turning off all my lights and grumping.

My mission this year is to find a copy of Hocus Pocus and finally watch it. Usually when I bring that up, people gasp quite audibly. Haha!

I had an event yesterday but was hoping to be involved in my church’s trunk or treat event. It turns out that they were low on cars and my brother and his wife signed up last minute but since they are incredibly busy, I put this backdrop together for them.

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My boyfriend plays pool and a local billiards place is hosting a free pool day the night before halloween. There’s a costume contest and lots of goodies included. I told him if we dressed up, it would be funny to be the Woking Dead. A play on words is always fun. Two zombies who own a Chinese restaurant, anyone? Tasty brains, no MSG. 😉

First Bible Art Journaling Entry!

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This is going to be a quick post. I found out about bible art journaling a few months ago and thought it would be a great way to absorb what I read and add time to reflect/worship in my own way. I realized I had enough swagbucks points to redeem an amazon giftcard so I got my journaling bible for free!

Here’s a link to the one I bought. I love the floral cover and vintage-y feel.

And here is my first entry. 🙂

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I used these pens for anyone interested.

I’m in a creative field and LOVE drawing and doodling but my hand lettering and layout skills aren’t as sharp as I’d like. But overall, I’m happy with it. It’s the words that carry the weight here. Does anyone else art journal?

Life Happenings: Moving, Bible Journaling, Organizing

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The move is over! It’s crazy how arduous an in-town move can be. It didn’t help that I was sick and lacking sleep. On Saturday, I had a great set of helpers and we got a majority of the larger items moved via a uHaul truck. On Sunday, we tackled the “small stuff” and boy did we have a lot of small to sweat! My roommate and I went over bright and early and I quickly realized how much we’ve accumulated. She was a dear and let me concentrate on my room while she packed up the entire kitchen. Because of our change in living situations, she has to be more conservative of what she could take so I’ve got a lot of stuff packed under my name that we shared to sort through and donate.

Around 2pm, we realized that it was more than we could handle. My mom offered to come help and I realize now that she did a majority of the wiping down/vacuuming/sweeping/etc for us! So grateful for her help! Our knees and legs were also giving out so around 4pm we rallied up my brother and his friend. I don’t think I can ever live in a second story again! After two upstairs dwellings, this moving process was killer. I’m so done. I’m pretty sure I did about 50 trips or more total in three days up two sets of stairs and a third small set. Jello legs for days.

I never did get to belongings outside of clothing for the KonMari process, so I am taking the unpacking time to use the method to settle that. I still have WAY. TOO. MUCH. Even with paring down clothes, I realize I have too many still. KonMari requires you to tidy with a plan. What are my dreams? To be flexible and not be weighed down to belongings so when opportunities arise, I can take them. To keep messes minimal so I can be emotionally and mentally focused on creating and learning for career and personal development. So yes, that means much less.

On a fun note, I recently discovered bible art journaling and as I was searching for something that would encourage me in devotionals and keep my creative streak, I am so excited to start! The last few years the Bible has become newly refreshing to me. It’s like I’m seeing it with a brand new pair of eyes. Now I can note all I’m learning with not only words but pictures.

Life is Precious – Treat it as So

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This has been an emotionally rough week. One family lost their precious girl to Leukemia. She won her first battle, but her second took her home to Jesus. She was pushing along but had difficulty understanding everything and lost her appetite. It seemed wrong to wake up and hear that she passed as she was such a fighter. The other heartbreaking factor being that this month is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.

My best friend’s grandpa also passed. He was also beating the odds despite many problems but took a fall that sent him downhill fast. We all prayed he’d pass peacefully and God answered that by taking him in his sleep. My parents were able to visit before his decline but unfortunately I wasn’t. She had a terrible gut feeling that things would happen near her birthday. It just happens that the memorial will fall on her thirtieth. It will be awfully bittersweet to see her as three years have passed but I know how special it will be to stay by her side through the service for emotional support, and how nice it will be to take time to celebrate her birthday and this new decade of life.

It’s in fleeting moments like these that I’m reminded how my days are numbered and to never miss chances with anyone. My time and other people’s time is precious. And time with others is a gift.

KonMari Method Part 1

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Last weekend I decided to embark on putting the KonMari method to practice.

I am still working through the clothes category, but I decided to learn how to feel my “Joy Spark” with dresses since it’s probably my smallest category clothes wise.

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Admittedly, dresses are my most frivolous purchase. They make me feel beautiful and I like having a new dress to commemorate an extra special occasion. This year I had a wedding to attend, two graduations, and other functions and yes, I let myself buy a new one for each one. That’s probably how I ended up with 51 dresses total. Which, I’ll admit, is more than I ever needed! I whittled the collection down to 34 which still seems a bit large but does include extra dressy ones and ones I do rotate into my work wear. I don’t currently like how tunics look on my body right now as I’m heavier than when I purchased many of them (some of these items are a decade old) so it was easy to say goodbye to them.

Next, I did my bras, underwear, tights, and slips. I’ve always folded my undies as I think they look better that way but I did use a few shoeboxes to keep things compartmentalized and it made a huge difference! I wear a large cup and band size for bras so I think I will be moving my bras out of the drawer where they are being crumpled and jammed and put them in my closet.

And then, the madness of shirts and pants and tank tops. Oh my…that took up the rest of my day and I still have pants to work on as I mostly did shirts.

I’ll admit, getting things to stand and folding them KonMari style was more frustrating than I first thought. Because I am plus size, my clothes are wider and longer. This makes larger and longer rectangles that don’t stand as easily. I decided for pants to fold in the crotch area to bring the size down a little and for sweaters, to overlap a bit of shoulder to make them more compact. Despite frustration, the neat looking piles and streamlined look kept me motivated.

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I’m not a big shoe buyer so I reached out on freecycle for some clean shoeboxes and supplemented what I could find at the dollar store and Daiso. See how kempt everything is starting to look? Ahhh…

Remember how I said I’m plus size so my folded clothes are wider? I own a cheapie chest of drawers to begin with so it is not very deep or tall. My solution was to lay the clothes vertically. I was able to fit most of my folded tees into one drawer, where before it was a few drawers and then some. This was the most rewarding part of my day.

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I’m making progress! There’s much more to do this weekend. I also have a good amount of clothes to launder so I’m getting that out of the way so I’ll be ready to tackle part two.

From mostly tops alone, I filled two trash bags to donate. The dresses I plan to sell or give to someone (truly) in need of some.