Category Archives: Life Musings

New Book!

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I know I know… I still owe you guys a review on The Best Yes. But, this is my current read and one that comes at a great time since I’m in the middle of purging and organizing for a move. 11781896_10153298164403855_4457894800438684343_n
 I’m only 30 or so pages in but I’ve already had one good thing come out of it. Yesterday I decided to redeem a peel off at a fast food chain and coupled that with a coffee and sat down to read. A little later a man sat down a few tables away and opened up what looked like a Bible. The pages were tattered and torn. Part of his reading was a section that fell out and he brought it up close to his face to read it and gingerly turn the page.

Just minutes before I thought about the whole spark joy thing and how horrible it was that I had “stocked up” on Bibles like it was a novelty when God’s word is so special and could be shared with others. And here was a man who loved his Bible and possibly needed a new one.

I read some more and finished my coffee and walked over.

“It’s refreshing to see you reading your Bible in public” I said.

“Amen. Are you a follower of Christ?” He asked.

We probably chatted for about 15 minutes. I found out where he fellowshipped and what he considers his ministry and asked him to tell me more about his Bible. I told him many Bibles in that condition are because they are well loved and consequently well used. I told him I felt led to give him a bible and he said he would take it.

Now, this Bible wasn’t the best bible out there. It’s small and travel sized but the full old and new testament in a great easy to understand translation. And while I don’t think his studying Bible will change, it may be a tool for what he likes to do. He likes to talk to people and go door to door and ask people if they need help with anything around the house or need prayer. And a travel size Bible with all its pages in tact would be great for that. 🙂

I’m grateful that God orchestrated that little meeting, and that my little Bible, often neglected and sitting in my trunk, can now “spark joy” in his life.

Why Minimalism is Not my Living Style…

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So you guys know from recent posts that I am in the middle of a great purge and downsizing. The main reason is practical – not having more than I have room for. However, the secondary reason, nearly as important as the first, is, “Is this purposeful?”

Here’s why I like stuff:

1. I like stuff because it holds a memory.

The coins from my trip to Southeast Asia. The ticket stubs from some awesome concerts. The doodles from high school before I had any formal art training. The snow globe from Seaworld that encapsulated a picture of my family from 1998.

2. I like stuff because it reminds me I’m taken care of.

Extra boxes and cans in the pantry mean I can have people over for dinner on a whim or survive a bad earthquake. Extra clothes means more options to express my style. Excess in general means I’m blessed with more than enough.

3. I like stuff because I can share it.

One of my love languages is gifting people my time and treasures. Time is fickle because sometimes there’s a lot to share, and sometimes there’s not. But stuff? I tuck away items I get a good deal on or that remind me of someone so that I always have a personalized gift on hand. Something that says I took time and considered their interests.

4. I like stuff because I’m visual.

My mood can change because I walked outside and noticed the clouds were nice and fluffy and the sun highlighted the trees so that they glowed. In the same way, walking into a room with fun art and objects helps me unwind or find bliss. I feel happier with things around me rather than empty walls and few accents. Conversely I know people who find that stuff stressful and overwhelming and need a “clean” or streamlined feel. We’re all different.

5. I like stuff because it fuels creativity and can actually help me be frugal.

Art and craft supplies bought on sale or with a 40% off coupon save a lot of money. And having things around the house help me stay creative which is something I inherently crave both as a person and for my profession. The problem here is not having direction and dipping my fingers into too many pots. Scrapbooking and stamping are just not things I’m really into if I’m honest with myself and they take up a fair amount of space. So it’s better to donate those supplies and keep room for paper crafts, painting, and mixed media projects.

I think it’s important for me to note that I’m visual and not minimalist by nature to understand that is not where my heart is and not my goal at this time. I have a lot of clothes but few fit me well. That doesn’t translate simply into tossing 3/4 of my closet. I need to dig further. Purposefully. The reasons are not just material. I struggle with weight. This means not letting extra clothes be my comfort blanket and not buying things just because they fit me okay. But it also means reminding myself to stay the course for weight loss plans. To feel better and fit better in what I wear. And to not forget confidence.

I have a lot of art supplies not being used. Books that are stacked in a “to-read” pile. Why am I not doing what I love? What is using up my free time? Why am I not doing things that unwind and inspire me?

I have 5 cans of tomato paste. Why? I didn’t shop intentionally, that’s why. I’m not keeping good record of what I have.

When I ask questions like this, I am considering so much more than the object. And that’s what’s important right now. Intention, purpose, and practicality.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

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Something Borrowed:

A realiable gps with newer maps guides the way
The “dumb phone” lent to me since my cellphone broke

Something Blue:

Not being happy with how big I look in some of the pictures that were taken
The tee from the aquarium that fit me just right even though I was worried
The ocean as we drove around the coast
The unplanned color of most of the family’s dresses for the wedding
The feeling I get as I leave the airport knowing it will be a full year or more until I see my friend again

Something old:

The feeling of my legs after lots of walking
A favorite vacation spot
Em dancing with her son-in-law at the wedding at the ripe but lively age of 99
Remembering and retracing steps around a favorite aquarium
The San Francisco Bridge
The cells of Alcatraz
The photos at the memory table displaying loved ones gone to be with Him
Trying to recall how many years we’ve been friends and no coming up with a solid number
Familiar faces of friends and family gathered to celebrate a union
Relearning T9 text until my new phone arrives
My mom’s friend gifts a beautiful gilded hair barrette for me to wear as sister of the groom

Something New:

Learning that flounder flatten with age and are actually born fully upright
Being in the driver’s seat for a lengthy trip
A sister-in-law (finally!)
The first person in our cousin group gets married
My brother and his wife are now moved into a different city
My parents’ nest is now empty
A glass cup, pencil, pins, and a tee shirt for souvenirs
Having my best friend spend the night in a home of my own
Viewing the only albatross in captivity in the world (she is unable to be released)

Above are the snippets of a very full wedding week and quick vacation. Feeling refreshed.

A Cheerful Heart is Good Medicine

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This is the year my friend and I set once upon a time ago to go exploring the streets of Paris, the workshops of Rome, and retrace steps in Germany. I brought it up and we both smiled and agreed Europe would have to wait.

Now that my closest friends are scattered and plane rides instead of car rides away, my tickets and destinations are not to landmarks and yelped haunts, but to familiar faces. Who knows when Paris awaits, but yesterday, I smiled and laughed more in one day than I probably have all year. It is so good to see old friends. It refreshes my heart like nothing else.

Closer

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“So are you guys close?”

There have been three questions I’ve heard on repeat since my brother got engaged.

1. “Ohh, will you be a bridesmaid?!” (No.)
2. “So, when is it your turn?” (Oh, bug off… This is not about me.)
3. “So are you guys close?”

Sometimes it’s a “How do you two get along?”

And the answer to the third question is tough. Am I close to my future sister-in-law? I’ve know her for about as long as my brother’s dated her. Six years. We know quite a bit about each other. But, in those six years she’s been off to college, then out of country for her job, and I moved out of my parents. I haven’t seen or spent much time alone with her. Which is not what I expected. I expected my future sis to reflect Nathan’s personality completely: sometimes loud, often funny, very outgoing, and a big conversation starter. Which is she not. She is complimentary to him and unique. Her replies are often diplomatic and carefully spoken before opinionated and sarcastic. I basically put all these expectations on my future sister in law and found out she wasn’t what I planned but is everything I wanted. But you know, I expected us to magically be BFFs since day 1.

She loves my family. She genuinely cares about all of us. Even the family dog.  She loves my brother wholeheartedly. They are totally devoted to each other. I admire how both have grown and planned for their upcoming big day. They’ve endured rough times and know how to resolve quarrels lovingly. Seriously, no one could be more perfect. And she helps challenge areas where he needs change.  She brings new perspective and ideas. She is brilliant and self motivated and I love that. I admire her resourceful nature and gravitate towards her ideas and am inspired. What more could you want in someone marrying your brother?

Wedding planning and all the life events leading up have given us more time together. Through all the planning before the wedding day, I’ve gotten some precious candid moments with her. Times where we joke together, conspire to bake brownies, just talk about our day, and do little things. And in those moments I realize how she’s evolved since day one and how our relationship has grown. How we’re more open with each other about big things but also able to chit chat and be comfortable in each other’s presence. And I realize we are getting there. We are closer. And I have all their married years to  grow even closer. To finally say, “Yes. We’re close.”

Eleven Greeting Cards

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The Breakdown:

Mother’s Day card: 1
You’re Just like a Mom to Me card: 1
Graduation cards: 3
Wedding shower card: 1
Wedding card: 1
Birthday Cards: 3
I’m Praying, Keep Being Strong card: 1
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May events with cards : 11
The Feels: Priceless

I’ve got a lot happening very soon. I’m sorry if I fall off the blogging radar for a while! My brother (who is one of the graduates) is getting married this month and that is one of the apexes of the month (who am I kidding, year!) The other really awesome event is what I’ve dubbed “friend christmas”. I have a bestie that most years can make a trip out to our hometown and it’s like Christmas day waiting for our annual get together! She’ll be at the wedding and then we have a girlfriend trip which I’m really looking forward to.

Friends and bloggers that pray, please keep my friend and her family in prayer. They’ve dealt with a lot the last few years including a big move states away. After finding a place of their own last year, they found a horrible mold issue that gave the family respiratory issues. The complex they are at denies their proof and because of their “pestering” they’ve denied them the option to renew their lease. The family of 5 need to be out by the end of their month. They are only able to afford a 2 bedroom apartment but most places will not make an exception of more than 2 to a room, even if they are little children. They need to find a place willing to work with them on pricing for a 3 bedroom or that will allow the boys to bunk all together in one room. She’s beyond stressed by hopeful that God’s got the details. She’s my keep being strong card.

How about you? Any fun things happening this month?

Redefining and Refining

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I’ve got quite a bit of downsizing and organizing ahead of me and as I work out what is truly worth keeping and what really has value, I’ve decided it’s time to refine my style and space a little bit. I have too much stuff, and as horrible as it sounds, stuff often makes one’s life more complicated.

Instead of a closet full of clothes, I have a closet, chest of drawers, and a few laundry baskets full. Do I really need that much? I probably wear about a quarter of it regularly, yet when it’s time to get ready, half my wardrobe lands on my bed as I try this and that.

Boxes of old school work, writing, and drawings. Do I need to keep all of it? I don’t need all my doodles from college.

I tried asking a friend and my boyfriend what my fashion style was to help define my wardrobe and got the worst answers! My friend said, “I don’t know…sometimes you dress American and sometimes you dress Asian.” Umm…okay? My boyfriend said, “I’d say you dress like a grandma.” Painfully true, as I joke about that quite a bit. I’ll take comfort over fashion but I still like to look put together and avoid appearing frumpy.

Here’s what I’ve written down as both those answers hardly help!

Style:
Romantic (Floral prints, lace, soft grey/cream/brown colors)
Royal/bold hues
Comfortable/Casual
Edgy (Ruched items, color block, rock inspired)

Colors:
Black
Red
Royals (Blue/Purple)
Jewel tones (violet, magenta, mint, turquoise, emerald, aqua, teal)

Bedroom Style:
Blues, whites, greys
White/light furniture
Soft or neutral grey
Soft or neutral beige
Blue bedcovers and curtain panels
Metallic or ornate accents

Things to Get Rid of:
Souvenir/one line saying tees. They’re not versatile nor work appropriate. I hardly wear them.
Mismatched/worn out PJs. I’m a lady. I want to look classy even at bedtime.
Old/worn tank tops and undershirts.
Vee necks that tip too low to wear alone. Over it.
The jeans I swear I’ll fit again one day.
Fussy coats and cardigans with iffy buttons. I need stuff that lays nice on my full chest.
Button ups that also don’t lay well or pop open because of my size and chest.
Ugly undies. Again, I’m a grown lady. No more ugly undies. I want to feel refined even if that confidence boost is just for me.

Here goes nothing! 🙂

Weight Discrimination…from Both Sides.

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Opinions from outside:

A lovely lady whom I look up to for her natural health knowledge wrote a beautiful article about weight discrimination happening to someone they love. It was really dear to my heart because it is written so thoroughly and from an outside perspective.

Opinions from Inside:

Yesterday I was at a bachelorette party and realized that while I’ve worked very hard at accepting myself and having body peace, I was still being critical of self. The rest of the girls at the party were typical sizes and I was the only plus size girl. I wore black slacks and a fun top and ruched jacket over it while everyone else had modest mid thigh black dresses and showed a little leg. First, I felt bad that I might have been underdressed, and two, I didn’t have the fancy heels and club-type apparel like the rest of them. I even spent an unnecessary 10 minutes debating what covered my arms best and realized I shouldn’t have felt ashamed to hide them.

We all carpooled, 5 of us total, in one car. And that’s where my self-discrimination started setting in. I panicked for a second wondering if they’d make me sit up front because I’m biggest or if people would complain if I was sitting in the back.

“Bride to be in the front!” The driver called out. She deserved the front passenger seat and they didn’t even think twice about her being up front.

I took a deep breath and slid in the back and tried to pretend I could take up less space. Nobody complained on the ride to our destination or on the way back home. Nobody called out my black slacks instead of dress. Nobody questioned my kitten heels when everyone else had stilettos. They treated me kindly. I was my worst offender.

Sometimes we are the worst discriminator. We make our weight a big deal when it’s not. I know this is something I need to work on. Yes, I am conscious that I take up more space, but I shouldn’t make it a bigger deal than it is. I rob my own joy when I self-consciously think about myself as being fat when I should be enjoying my time around others.

When the night ended, I was grateful that nobody made my size a big deal, and that I needed to worry about it less. I should reinvest those thoughts into encouraging reasons to exercise and eat right, if anything. And in hindsight, I wore kitten heels because I knew they’d be cute but comfortable with my top, and WE DID do a lot of walking and standing. I would have hated myself if I wore anything taller. And, I wanted to wear pants because I wasn’t in the mood to wear a dress. So, lesson learned. Be content of self. Have a good time. Don’t fret the details. Be grateful for people who see you as a person, not a large person, and treat you like everyone else. 🙂