I Didn’t Lose my Voice but I Chose to Speak Less in 2019

It’s been quiet on here. Not many updates last year on my blog. For some reason in 2019, I chose to speak less and voice less on the internet. I think I needed some quiet, and I wanted to hear and see but be less heard on trivial things. Not all of it was mindfulness, but I see how that factored into it.

Who hears you when you’re quiet? Who checks on you when you’re putting yourself out there? Who remembers you when step back? How many opinions and quibbles did I benefit from missing because I didn’t put my foot out there?

I think I also didn’t grow much as a person in 2019, if I’m totally honest. I failed my word of the year pretty hard. I got my groove with health and weight loss and lost it again. My world revolved around upcoming big events but none of them were truly mine although I definitely celebrated them happening. My brother and his family welcomed a baby. My cousin got married. My aunt moved in with us. I did not really move any mountains or do anything momentous myself, though. I burned out badly at the end of the year, and failed to be still when I needed to. I let the chaos around me via family life become my chaos, and didn’t know how to separate it.

So now in 2020, I’m slowly untangling again, slowly becoming intentional again, slowly purposing myself in what I set out to do.

I want to be louder again this year, but I want to keep the more intentional aspect of staying silent where needed, when I feel I need peace, or where I don’t feel I need to say my piece.

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