I’ve been harsh on my body lately. Despite many efforts to lose weight recently I haven’t [in fact, I’ve put on a few]. Some of it is from negligence, dealing with trials, and being medically advised to not participate in vigorous exercise until a blood clot was ruled out [which it has, praise God]. And then I went to a theme park and didn’t fit the newest rides and again had to work myself into body image homeostasis again.
I love and accept my body the best that I can, with a healthy knowledge that aiming for a lower weight is ideal for my health and wellness.
That’s a hard struggle right there. On one hand, I’m supposed to be content with who I am and on the other hand, I’m supposed to be dissatisfied enough to make changes to who I am. Ideally, I should be able to sort out that intrinsically I am the same person despite weight or appearance, but it’s not quite that easy either.
It’s not the same me when I know I turn down certain activities right now because I feel too fat to join (long hikes, yoga, swimsuit-wearing, bust a dance move)
It’s not the same when I’m constantly fearful of airplane buckles, taking up too much space on a bench, or squeezing through tight rows of tables in a restaurant.
It’s not the same when I edit how I express myself because certain styles hide problem areas better.
In many ways, despite clinging to body positivity, I do feel limited if I’m honest. So, it’s time to reinforce what my body is able to do; right now, at this weight, at this time.
I am loved and able to love (platonically and romantically).
I am powerful. I love the strength I have and plan to work out and keep it.
I am deserving of respect and dignity. No one can compromise that.
I am able to carry this body and walk and not grow tired.
I am able to embrace my curves and be fashionable.
I am able to look in the mirror and smile.
I am able to try harder at weight loss and fitness.
I am able to make an impact in the world around me.
I am able to ground myself when negative body thoughts enter my mind.
I am able to look back and see progress even if others can’t.
I am able to consider my choices and if they fit my path.
I am willing and able to pursue my goals.
I have and will fall short time to time but it’s time to kick butt again.