I feel like I’m rushing around a lot again. And I am. It’s inevitable, even though I’m trying to reduce stressors. I haven’t been practicing self care and I haven’t had time to relax. When I do make time, say, savoring my morning cup of coffee, it seems like the rest of the day still goes damned wrong.

This week particularly, for every good thing, there was a negation. It seems like I can’t win, and I know it’s not just a matter of perspective.

I wake up earlier to actually enjoy breakfast and get to work on time and still find the minutes racing by and traffic worse than usual. I gave myself EXTRA time and was still late EVERYDAY.

Then, I was going to celebrate a birthday dinner one day and went to dinner at someone’s house and I was running late both times and beating myself up for that. I was in panic mode the whole drive. My heart was pounding for 25 minutes straight.

All I want this weekend is to not have to rush anywhere. I wish to not have any guests stop by since this house is a hotel and I’m losing my mind each weekend that is filled with doorbell chimes. I wish to have all my stupid health issues (probably stress related) to go away. I want to pick out all my outfits for the next week and cook all my dinners and lunches so during the course of next week, I can actually breathe.

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